Elements

So much to say
Again.
But the words are not
the property of
those layering thoughts
But currents
flying from my being
sparkling with electricity
like they do
when I am
fully breathing
Such a game
Is being played
within me
without me
the elements are moving
so fast, so slow
in such wild rapture
through the universe-
of the universe
growing pulsing
shifting
and in it here we are
the beings
twisting into layers
of earth, of fire
shifting fading
shining flying
flowing through
flowing with
flowing on
finding eachother
finding ourselves
finding that
we are all
of one
and the same.
In the elements
we move
lose eachother
lose ourselves
lose the light
for in it
we are
we are
we are
and we grow
layers and layers
the thoughts rise
and the thoughts fall about us
like rain, like floods
and we are swimming
we are sinking
we are rising
we are floating
and the elements bite us
fire water air
eating through our being
braiding our veins
weaving our muscles
binding our bones
burning our blood
electricity in our nerves
waving
We come
to eachother
we touch
we pull eachother
from the plug
of that name
and we are
breathing
we are burning
we are finding something
of ourselves
oneself
before the birth
after the death
I am there
We are there
in the heart
the heart
the heart
is overflowing
with the red hot blood
with the love
with the life
and the thoughts
are poring over like sand
and the elements are cracking
and crackling
and burning through the space
like burning moss
like moss on fire
through the night
through the light
earth, water, fire
air, space
Love
25th Feb 2009

Silent Life’s Child

Visiting a friends house, I was left alone with a little girl and a newborn child, nearly three weeks old who was born deformed. Seeing the child I felt this poem, and so, here it is.

His eyes moved
vaguely, across the roof;
The glaring white light,
like he doesn't belong here
a graceful dolphin,
left on land
Silent as a fish
You can see he is looking
for an ally
which I might have been…
But cannot be
And this is his world
Alone and searching
Smaller than a doll
Stiff and unshapely
Lifted and jostled
by no mother, but a girl
in search of a playmate
Lost in her imaginary world
with the silent child
He is caught is a heartless experiment
of the restless world
Another unfortunate growth
of twisted DNA
Holding her doll
in her arms
clueless to the slight
of its existence.
I start at the thought
that it is meant to be alive…
The adults
the parents
are conspicuously absent,
Disassociating from
those pitiful tiny hands
Letting him live or die alone
in the arms of an innocent
lonely young girl
Wanting only to be a mother and child
I place my hand
upon his chest
and feel the frantic
beating of his heart
As though beneath
those silent eyes
a vigorous schemer
is fighting for life
inside the body
of this silent unmoving
Child of life.
Priyanka Rao

6th Feb. 09.

Naked

So, you're taking the credit?
Take all you want
I don't need it.
Take from me
these flowing clothes
Tear them from
my burning skin
All you need
To cover the world
Gift-wrapped for another soul
To sleep in
and dream their restless dreams.
I'm going to an appointment with stars
And I'll bring them with me
when I swim back
through the ocean
of twisting emotions
And light the trees
with starlight
so the kings and queens
can find their way
through the gardens
to pick the fruits
of human dreams
and chat with the fairies
Till its time to go home
and sing the gravitational
songs of the wind,
And wake up the adventurers
Tempted with a breathe of mountain spices
before they disappear
with the tides
of the blue blue sea.
Priyanka
24th January 2009

Illusion

Beauty, o!

You treacherous thing

I live for you

You are my being

But I’m peeling away

like cloth from a wall

catching the winds to

abort my fall

Bondage to a wound

I am coming away

from drying blood

and flesh in decay

Coming to float

on the tips of a pond

fresh chill of the water

then I’m floating beyond

Falling away

what a beautiful thing!

the scraps coming loose

and into nothing . . .

The buzzing of a fly

or perhaps it is crying-

the screaming of my heart

-it still thinks this is dying

And perhaps it is

I wouldn’t know

I’ve been here too long

Its time to let go

A storm seems to follow

As I’m flying away

Chasing me down

I’m turning to clay

I’m standing underwater

Before a full jury

‘Here they are- you’re rights and duties,

Get along now, we’re all in a hurry. '

Oh, what in the world?

I was flying through space

‘No, no,’ they assure me

‘now put on your face.’

So I pull on with work

Now life is so heavy

I look for strength

But I’m all cut free

All the holds are gone

where they used to be

I let go of the past,

Now there’s nothing left of me.

Its all a cheat

Its never fair

beautiful fabric of being-

my life’s just a tear.

I scream

I want to die

would it get me anywhere?

I can’t even try

'Let go, let go'

they stare at me

I’ve nothing to hold

except this key

Ah, but see me scream

love my tears

O trap of lies-

you feed me fears

You tear me from the wall

shred by shred

Not again, no-

I wish I were dead

Tearing burning

through the seams

You’re turning out the lights

in all of my dreams

I’m falling falling

falling free . . .

Isn’t this once

where I wanted to be . . .?

P.L.Rao

14th January 2009

Suddenly I feel as if I am bathed in sunlight and I realize that this is the feeling I have been longing for all these days, shivering in the sun. But sometimes sunlight can't do it, and sometimes something else can.
Sometimes the people we most want to avoid talking to can give us what we need.
Sometimes places we never want to go to can give us a new home to be at.
Sometimes things we hide from things which are really things we want most.
So how can we judge what is what and where to find it?
We sometimes have to just go to dark places and speak to ridiculous people to find what it is we really need. We can't hold on to things we once loved and places that were once home. We have to let it all go and be ready for hope from any quarter, and see a home in any place.
Sometimes we don't see the lesson being given to us. But the things which will hit us, the things we really learn and never forget will reach us, and in the end we will know what we need know; understand what we need to.

Veiled

Storm of my life
is woven with strife,
An obstacle course
which is carrying me by force.

I’ve lost all track
They call me black
Lies they have built
All fill me with guilt

But I don't really care
‘cause you are there
to keep out that rain
of teary pain.

-P.L.Rao
21st February 2006

Driftwood

I'm the sailor
that is a scholar
That no one wants to hire.

Such skies you see-
And the wind in my hair.
What a time this would be
to sail and explore!

So I walk on the sand
By the wave's endless roar;
I wave my hand.
I wait at the shore.

The ships come and go
Without coming ashore;
The days come and they go
From their endless store.

No one wants to hire
the sailor that is a scholar
So I keep building rafts
to send out on the water.
P.L.Rao
31st Dec. 2008

Bleeds

Take the knot
of twisted vines
That is my heart
a mix of flowers, pierced with thorns

Destroy this web
of tangled brush
And leave not a single
branch wilting, on the bush

But rather,
let it flower again
New and washed pure
by the falling rain.
жא☼Ж☼אж
-P.L.Rao
12th July 2007

Gregorian Chants

21 August 2005
While I was listening to the music I left the physical world and was in a world of dreams; Dreams which seemed more real than anything there was. This world seemed abstract and irrelevant completely. I was not a body but a soul. A clear mixture of thoughts, some looking like currents of water flowing though the air and some were sparks of colour flashing up and sinking again to the beats of the ringing bells. The deep voices were long strands of twanging vibrations, connecting each part of the dark blue, almost black universe, so rich of feeling. The beat of drums was solidness, lightly, but steadily shaking. The deep organs were like clouds hard as a rock to stand on, yet the softest beds of the universe. The clear twang of instruments seemed like threads of love wrapping around my arms, holding me from above. Everything was a swaying universe where we fall forever, slow as a snail yet never going anywhere. Never declining at all, like a universe underwater. There was no colour but brightness and darkness. There was no texture but solidness and softness. There was no sound but vibrations and beats. There was just o world of feelings . . .

You may think that I am just creative at making things up, but what if? What if I didn't make it? Just trust, believe . . .It is there. Let yourself feel it. It is everywhere, it is nowhere. It isn't time, it isn't shape, it isn't distance, it isn't anything yet it is.
IT IS.
By P.L. Rao

Crow's Nest

I met a man
who ran from home
its time for me
to find my own.

I see the ragged
weave of sand
grainy, across
the empty hand

And want to live
my life again
with purpose,
down the golden chain.

I see the sun
in its stony grave
I feel for heat
lost in liquid haze

I look out
at the stars away
see their light,
at constant play

The loneliness
is fearfully free . . .
No need to respond
calls back to me.

I have a heart
as large as being
Yet I feel nothing
Blind eyes are seeing.

Flowers blooming
black and blue
are morning’s blossoms,
as old as new.

So, see the ripples
of sparkle light
cold upon
the waves of night.

Wave a flag
way out at sea
Maybe that, perhaps,
Will matter to me.
P.L. Rao
27th December 2008