Black Marble

Twang wire sunlight
Burning down faster
than winter sunlight
I’m crying with my ribs
I want to see the Black stone
That we stand on
Ridiculous- we stand on
Marble black.
reflects the light
We soak up the heat
or on the black
But we are good
But we are white
We are fire
We are singing
To never stop
We are smiling
To never stop
So the water sea
will erode the soil
the black marble
The black marble
and the soil
will be new.
Will be red soil
Will be happy
Will be alive
will be there
When I die
‘Cause I am not dying, Red Soil
I am not singing to slime
To black soil
You are growing
You are growing
and red soil
goes black
The roots are delving
Deeper
You know it
You know it’s planted
I am rooted
and growing
in the red soil
They scatter my buds though
They scatter my blood
Mother
don’t stop
For I am still
of a fruit
and for the love
of the sky.

18th March 2010

Caller ID

Cry for the hurts

Caused by stuck up souls

Chats over a cup of coffee

That tormented the politics of freedom

Have you ever heard

the cries of my soul

As I tell you how my dad’s dying

And my mother’s lying

to her soul.

Do you not see how I lie to you

When I say the pain is theirs, not mine

Do have a heart that dares

To look into another’s eyes?

No doubt you’ve lied of reputation

You’ve saved your own through refutation

You can say nothing to me

That isn’t true

‘Cause I know your number.

The pain you’ve had

Is buried in a cave of dissatisfaction

We dug you up

To get robbed of priority

Holding hands is like temptation

Bloody hell is left for Satan

Takes a grip to make one sick

And hope is lost amid frustration

Don’t call me again

Caller ID is the new thing

To fall into the swing of things

Is to let go of the past like we never knew

That I’d have your number

But you know what?

It’s the flames of fruition

That suck up the strokes of my pen.

No one owns no one.

No one knows no one.

No number is known.

Soldier

The music is changing

The heart-springs that pull me apart

Its then that I know

I was less than a song from the start

Cause heartbeats don't change
the color of my skin
If you want me to break
It'll take more to win

My neurons are linked
like a twisted flower
I'm wired like a war-tank
Its built like a tower

You blood doesn't stop me shuddering
Holocaust is a revolution
of the gruesome infinite reality
Into sickening sadly sunken ships.

My works are sacrificed
for your every call to help
But helping is consistent to myself
And your eyes tell me you are defeated.

I am sick with your loss
You glassy-eyed thing
But I cannot stop
I report to the king.

Repertoire, Commissary,
Painless job, delivery

Its my job to administrate
the movement of the fireflies
Its my dream to stay awake
At least until the fire dies

And though you ponder
what controls me
At least my Captain
is raging free.

Storyteller-cursed to tell
Stories like an axe-on-tree
Its histories you're cursed to fell
And stop the truths from hitting me.

Repertoire, Commissary
Painless job, delivery.

They hired me for the face
That told them they belong
In a stopped-clock salary
I think my face was wrong.

And I am sick with losing you
Your glassy eyes still torturing
I swear there was nothing I could do
I keep reporting to the King.

Ignorance not worth this price
Your death worthier than your life-
It is my hope to be deceived
But truth is sharper than my knife.

Repertoire, Commissary
Painless job, delivery
I live and die in painless greed
Your king was mine
and we believe
In parking brakes and rusting keys
Change of gears
And we are free.

16^th May 2010

Force Me

I walk away

to hear you say

‘Why do you do this to me?’

I come to you

and here you say

‘Why do you do this to me?’

I come to be

here for a day

to see you laugh

or turn away.

To leave me naked

to leave me bare

to leave me dying

or in despair

I walk away

to hear you say

the words that bring me back again.

Oh, please may I ask a single question-

Why do you do this to me?

P.L.Rao

4^th April 2009

Divergence

I could see the whole dress
Ripping down the seams
The dress of our relationship
Falling from my skin
And I will never be ready to be naked
Without you.

And I could see your hand fall away
There is nothing left to give
In the silence of the night
Your breathing shall not give
The comfort it once did.

At least in the quiet moments of night
peace can carry us to sleep
I never wanted to dream up lies
And now there is nothing left between us
To escape from

This dress drifts to the floor
And I am free from the itchiness of its weave
But some discomforts are worth living with.
And I’m still not sure
I am rid of you.

Nothing can force this silence down
But our words are heard unspoken
The harmony that our hearts play out
Has never ceased to make perfect sense
This ragged love can no longer delay
The point of our divergence.

15th May 2010

Taking you back

This may kill you
To hear me say
That you are dirty
Dirty like a killer plane
Crashes in the flames.

Dirty in the betrayal
Shore up what is left of your love
Among the muck of sick
betrothal.

You grabbed me by the hooks
And raided my pockets
It’s a hard world
To stay warm in.

If the fires are ever relit in your heart
Then may you go through the pain
of remorse
And relearn the meaning
of human.

And if the hopes are ever aroused again
May you remain isolated
Till you have the strength
To forgive yourself.

And if I’ve done you wrong
Then what have you done to me?
In pain and sorrow
All you could give is an apology.
And to give you’d have to reach me
And to reach you’d have to find me
And to find me would a job for you.
For Im living life,
And you have been dead.
And I don’t plan
on taking you back.

30th April 2010

Seen

Seen
For the lies I’ve told
Though my eyes told the truth.
And my heart yearned that you know
with out my saying.

Seen
For the smiles you mocked
Though my heart was warmed
With the thoughts you found
To be low

Seen
For the tears
I needn’t have shed
‘Cause I thought there was more wrong
Than there ever had to be

Yet I made the anger real
I made the tears a joke
I made the laughter die
I made the lies belie
What I wanted you to know.
This is a paradox of expression
In that I let you see
what I was not,
I let myself conform
To the shape of your eyes.
Forgive me though
you may not.
I still choose
To forgive myself.

26th April 2010

Cocoon

The running, the screaming
The friends and the teaming
Your cries, and my lies
Your laughter so harsh
to my ears.

This talking,
not walking
Sitting, tick-tocking
Your faces so blind
to my fears.

This moment not stopping
My clattering talking
Till your hand comes to rest
on my tears.

Some slowing,
Some stopping,
Quiet and rocking
wiping, and soothing
slowing,
then stopping.

Peace swallows chaos,
Takes chaos in its arms and puts it to sleep,
and there in cocoons, the chaos blooms,
and grows into blossoms of a better kind of light,
and there in cocoons, the chaos blooms
and forms the foundation of a better kind of life.

16th April 2010

Witness

The pain of dark moments
in our past
haunt us between
the blinks of our eyes.
We turn around in our beds
To see them lunging at us
like dark monsters.
For us
these monsters come
and hunt.
The burden of fear
slows a man down
like nothing else can;
So we hold back from the future
While we’re running
from the past.
This is the curse
of evil moments,
to which we have been
even just witnesses to.
Witness Alone.
Sometimes this
is not enough to save a man
from the burden of guilt
for the crimes that are committed
on this earth.

Priyanka
30 July 2009

Suicide

Falling through the curtains of water to a pool
thousand feet below . . -
I see it in the fishes eyes
the redness of change, perhaps shock
before the splash
of cold ending
that will be mine,
hopefully before
I ever feel I need it
I’m breathing
Stopping
Screaming
as loud as it goes
as far as the sky
I’m sending out
nothing more
than a wave.

Priyanka
31 Jan. 2009

Mantra

Bless those eyes
Bless that heart
Bless the breathing
Bless the art
Cover those eyes
Cover that heart
Open the breathing
Soften the art.
Stop the coughing
Stop the cheering
Stop the choking
Start the breathing
Soften the stone
It can’t stop seething
with utter cold hardness
with snake-cold kneading
Temper the leather
Temper the wood
Temper the air
which comes in as my food
Remove the bitter
destructive question
Remove the lying
betraying digestion
of how things are.
Beyond the mind
past the inverted
colored reflection
Past the lens
Past the protection
The truth of nature
free of dissection
Let her breathing
come in through the waves
and the shuddering shivering
wind in the trees.
Stop the cold
Stop the machine
Stop the harsh voice
Its only a dream
Let there be sunlight
Let there be motion
Let there be breathing
Through all my devotion
Let there be truth
Let there be freedom
Let there be peace
Like a summer’s hot ocean
With burning gold waves
and the vaporous air
rising softly
to the blistering sun
casting reflections
casting illusions
forgetting reasons
untying nooses.
Living and dying
right under the sea
Carry me to lightness
O let me be free.

Human

Light! It falls on me
It covers me in truth
But I block it with my hand
And think I cannot see.

I sit on heaven’s lawn
with flowers in my hand
I want to smell the scent of grace
But my sense of smell is gone.
жא☼Ж☼אж
-P.L.Rao
13th April 2006

Darkness Sweet

On and on
the waves of the sea
shine and shatter
before they are free

on and on
I'm swallowed under
the breathless merciless
pound of beauty

close my eyes,
the darkness is sweet
silence is sinking
through all that is me.


P.L.Rao
15th January 2009

Silent Life’s Child

Visiting a friends house, I was left alone with a little girl and a newborn child, nearly three weeks old who was born deformed. Seeing the child I felt this poem, and so, here it is.

His eyes moved
vaguely, across the roof;
The glaring white light,
like he doesn't belong here
a graceful dolphin,
left on land
Silent as a fish
You can see he is looking
for an ally
which I might have been…
But cannot be
And this is his world
Alone and searching
Smaller than a doll
Stiff and unshapely
Lifted and jostled
by no mother, but a girl
in search of a playmate
Lost in her imaginary world
with the silent child
He is caught is a heartless experiment
of the restless world
Another unfortunate growth
of twisted DNA
Holding her doll
in her arms
clueless to the slight
of its existence.
I start at the thought
that it is meant to be alive…
The adults
the parents
are conspicuously absent,
Disassociating from
those pitiful tiny hands
Letting him live or die alone
in the arms of an innocent
lonely young girl
Wanting only to be a mother and child
I place my hand
upon his chest
and feel the frantic
beating of his heart
As though beneath
those silent eyes
a vigorous schemer
is fighting for life
inside the body
of this silent unmoving
Child of life.
Priyanka Rao

6th Feb. 09.

Illusion

Beauty, o!

You treacherous thing

I live for you

You are my being

But I’m peeling away

like cloth from a wall

catching the winds to

abort my fall

Bondage to a wound

I am coming away

from drying blood

and flesh in decay

Coming to float

on the tips of a pond

fresh chill of the water

then I’m floating beyond

Falling away

what a beautiful thing!

the scraps coming loose

and into nothing . . .

The buzzing of a fly

or perhaps it is crying-

the screaming of my heart

-it still thinks this is dying

And perhaps it is

I wouldn’t know

I’ve been here too long

Its time to let go

A storm seems to follow

As I’m flying away

Chasing me down

I’m turning to clay

I’m standing underwater

Before a full jury

‘Here they are- you’re rights and duties,

Get along now, we’re all in a hurry. '

Oh, what in the world?

I was flying through space

‘No, no,’ they assure me

‘now put on your face.’

So I pull on with work

Now life is so heavy

I look for strength

But I’m all cut free

All the holds are gone

where they used to be

I let go of the past,

Now there’s nothing left of me.

Its all a cheat

Its never fair

beautiful fabric of being-

my life’s just a tear.

I scream

I want to die

would it get me anywhere?

I can’t even try

'Let go, let go'

they stare at me

I’ve nothing to hold

except this key

Ah, but see me scream

love my tears

O trap of lies-

you feed me fears

You tear me from the wall

shred by shred

Not again, no-

I wish I were dead

Tearing burning

through the seams

You’re turning out the lights

in all of my dreams

I’m falling falling

falling free . . .

Isn’t this once

where I wanted to be . . .?

P.L.Rao

14th January 2009

Veiled

Storm of my life
is woven with strife,
An obstacle course
which is carrying me by force.

I’ve lost all track
They call me black
Lies they have built
All fill me with guilt

But I don't really care
‘cause you are there
to keep out that rain
of teary pain.

-P.L.Rao
21st February 2006

Bleeds

Take the knot
of twisted vines
That is my heart
a mix of flowers, pierced with thorns

Destroy this web
of tangled brush
And leave not a single
branch wilting, on the bush

But rather,
let it flower again
New and washed pure
by the falling rain.
жא☼Ж☼אж
-P.L.Rao
12th July 2007

Cries

8th May 2008
They all love me so much
somehow I know.
But when I do something
They all scream
and scream
and scream
I just don't understand
and they scream
and scream
and scream
Why must I only understand
when they scream?
And scream!
and scream.
That we could just talk
to eachother, I dream.

With each scream they somehow rip
every seam
after seam . . .
after seam.
They love me so much;
why must I see
them scream-
and scream! . . .
and scream
at me?

Quiver

No, this is how you break a heart,
perhaps, too, how you make a heart.

I felt it before, liquid tint, upon my eyes
For me, once has been enough tries

I've had my heart crested with frost
Now I'm too afraid of being lost.

Stop now-! I struggle to request,
Yet, its too late. I should have guessed.

To ask a promise- the only protection
No! Better to leave the unasked question

I want to believe that hearts are gold
But I can't ignore what my heart has been told

Why is everything so twisted?
'Cause truth is too risky, unless misted

This is how you make a heart
But this too, is how you break a heart.

P.L.Rao
29th December 2008