SeaDreamer
I am an island in the middle of the sea, I grow and learn and just be me, The waves,they splash,the storms-they roar And I dance and sing, forevermore
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Elder Sibling, I was a Child
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Anticipating Reality
Pick a number
One by one until there is a string of rosary beads
To account for the times you have strayed from the path
Of affectionate carelessness.
Im a heartbeating whole of another's life,
mothers waist round my own slight
Knowledge of a sure and stable path
A path which leads to the pleasance of age
In accepting the stumblings of its own ragged feet, high heels have no place any longer.
I would apologize for the things I have said and done but in the end
Counting crows is sadder than
My own Welsh life. A toothache has been hurting me here,
A nail scratch on my blue veined wrist and intentional scar of the desperation.
I will tell you there is no reason to fear. I tell you there is no reason to season your sorrows with reason.
If ever a fear was worth forgetting it was the fear of not forgetting the way he touched your hair
You're there.
A moment from the thoughtlessness. A moment away from losing reason.
A slice away from the crack in the door.
The light shines through. You're heaven is there
Heartbreaking experience of making new friends
Today I study intently my German grammar book, puzzling over the logic of the four German grammatical cases intending to sort through.
Tonight I drink wine glass after glass and glass as our dinner party swells to 20 so people and I simply wander convo to convo in search of satisfaction.
Twenty fascinating people, a tumult of good food and sensual accuity.
I find HowLisa combined with wine results in the confessions of true family life in a semi-family home, the Wohngemeinschaft.
Tarika wishes to share her summer, attempts to live with a boyfriend, a man and still be a person on one's own. The theme of the summer.
Papa calls.
And American speaks to me.
A chilean with the Zealand accent and that tone of ease, a traveller.
A school student girl that is bicultural and at a party with her father until 1am.
A time to take them all to the bar and then return to our house guests alone all tough in the dark.
Good night.
Call me social, but let me sleep alone. Let me write in peace, and you can read.
Read that I am falling apart and that each confession is a new friendship, and the growing silence in my heart is actually the crecimiento of the new tree growing there- the return of my own silence,
that sound you can consider to by the story of my own soul.
I am.
Priyanka
31st July 2015
Ladies & Gentlemen & the rest of us
Perhaps a masculine thing to say. Both men claim this, one 40+ the other under 20 sitting on either side of me.
Don't over edit my highschool teacher said. A blog is not a novel. It's not over composed. Fresh and honest, it should be born of the present moment, not edited down to hardboiled fact.
Pennebacker has something else to say- writing therapy, the power of well-directed journaling for your self has the ability to transform cyclicly dangerous thought patterns into helpful reflection and redirection almost as if it were a form of meditation. Is meditation a publishable act? An act beneficial to the public?
I don't blog because I haven't in years, or perhaps because I am afraid of the stage to say what I really think, the limelight I have lost to years of indecency- a BA degree I call my own.
Perhaps I don't blog because of the increased shame of falsity at large. In my journal it is a bare-faced rant, with no audience but the ever-echoing universe I was born to. In silence.
The internet, rather full of creepers and curious and discontent overexcited young and old variously-opinionated crowds I am prone to imagine, not only imagine, but to speak to, in increasingly delusional tones of conviction.
Forget the audience, the unseen crowd which calls forth falsity along with forthrightness. I speak for myself, and yet I bear to the world and confess I do have an audience in mind. You my friend, are a person, read english, and hence a part of the current current of global affairs which sweep the mild, the meek and the shapers of tomorrow in one fell swoop of the wrathful Leela which proceeds, life.
Good luck following.
Floating Daughter Away, a farewell to California
The waves jerk you slightly and the horizon dividing place between water and air, is reestablished and still you open, breathing up, out, up, out, arms open wide, legs relaxed, letting go. Weightless is worth it. And talking to you God in the solid silence of the muffling ocean, so that every world reverberates soundly in my own ears, travels across my own head, like talking into my headphones and yet with nothing out there but the sea, the sky, God to record.
Present in that spaceless moment. Across the cold numb but normal sea, past the docks and honking sea-lions, the pier and the ships and mountains and out there is eventually the people of Hawaii, and the land of Japan.
And luckily for some reason, this time I am going the opposite direction= back across the United States, the Atlantic Sea, and to England, Great Britain, over the channel and to Germany. To all sort of new times and adventures. To business to academics. Responsibility.
Off across the cold sea to which my body can adapt so easily. Maybe a little fat is good - to keepafloat, and keep off the shivers. To innocence as I know I could be taken anywhere. It is in the hands of the Lord, and spirit of the human pioneer, the glue that keeps it all together. And yet take me away from the warm embrace of my mother who holds me and smiles and cuddles at night and knows exactly when I feel bad. Away.
And maybe a time will come when I will be close to her again because I miss her. I've always hated growing up...for that? But not being able to grow up to be that awesome kid inside at heart, the part that shines. TXT to MOM: 12:05 am: I love you. They say you're always a kid to your mom. Hopefully I will never be anything else." www Mom- Yet even still this life is so alone. I will be happy living it- with friends like you. God. And love. And spirit. And soul. There is a long way to swim and float and dive. ~ I am a dreamer. PS. the Archer talks in his sleep! :) Awwwkay.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Anticipating Reality
Pick a number
One by one until there is a string of rosary beads
To account for the times you have strayed from the path
Of affectionate carelessness.
Im a heartbeating whole of another's life,
mothers waist round my own slight
Knowledge of a sure and stable path
A path which leads to the pleasance of age
In accepting the stumblings of its own
ragged feet, high heels have no place any longer.
I would apologize for the things I have
said and done but in the end
Counting crows is sadder than
My own Welsh life. A toothache has been
hurting me here,
A nail scratch on my blue veined
wrist an intentional scar of the desperation.
I will tell you there is no reason to fear.
I tell you there is no reason to season
your sorrows with reason.
If ever a fear was worth forgetting it
was the fear of not forgetting the way
he touched your hair
You're there.
A moment from the thoughtlessness.
A moment away from losing reason.
A slice away from the crack in the door.
The light shines through. You're
heaven is there.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Service, or Purpose
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Lotus
He loves me
He loves me not
Beautiful, familiar
He is a stranger in his eloquence
Where is my heart without him?
But when shall he know the heart
that is within?
Our little smiles, familiar sweetness
To cover the distance
of lies.
Lies not to lie, not to hurt,
But to protect
myself
of the terrible unknown
He speaks of love
Have we ever gauged the depth
of one to another?
To uncover we stand
face to face
hope for grace
This transfer of energy
is no easy task,
just hoping that one day
The faces will fall away
The days will melt away
the glances will carry a gift
from one to the other
The man will stand up
The woman won’t back down
We will stand
I love him
I love him not
Fuzzy but fading
funny but failing
Honorable, Gold
in the light
Does he stand in the darkness?
Is this laugh superficial?
That deep laugh, rising from his chest
The realest joy I’ve ever felt
That smile when he just
loses all control of his expression
His joy- do I have the strength to make him smile?
He won’t call, unless there is a reason
I am dying to hear his voice
you think this is a lie?
If not love, its at least addiction.
The eyes, deep black
reaching out to take me in
For once let me sink to my knees
and cry.
You are still there
And you are still golden
And you are still the best
So let me be yours.
I love you.
And am willing to believe
despite the difference
and the futility,
You love me.
16th July 2010
Wages
How long will this go on
a lie within a lie, game within the truth
Hassled bundles of emotion
Haggled together to find relief
Friction caused to bind the thief
to the robbed
and the stolen.
Worthless fought with earnest work
to keep somehow something shape or form
Laughter plagues the bedraggled ears
of chaos, Instantaneous; Tears
fight me back with mortal wounds
Over and over I plead guilty
Leave me to my own defects
Pain cannot envelope this grief
So the tragedy remains dry and tasteless
Walked through the days repeat
Back these roads are wry and paceless
Stuck between the greenly pages
These horrors can’t be rendered faceless
Masochistic optimism
draws in the flies like to a prison
Beating in a restless soul
Sell to me a glassless prism
Lit up enough
to light the sky
Free the pond’s delinquent cry
End the race and kill the die
Bird for stone and rock for sky.
31st August 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Hoping
My heart is sinking
like the sun on the horizon
Yearning for people to be happy
Unhappy is not the place to be
Unhappy is shaken
deflation of spirit
frustration of mind
Sorrow can be good though too
Sorrow can be fine
Sorrow can accept
and be content
Sorrow and Joy combined
Nothing to do about weight on your chest
But let it go and be fine.
After a while
The sun will shine
With joy. True joy.
Joy that’s experienced truth
Joy that’s experienced sadness
Makes it much more complete.
This is why we live together on this Earth.
For the joy and tears
Beauty, love and dissension
Here I am hoping for love
I am hoping for love
I am hoping for love
I am hoping for love
From you.